Are You in a Toxic Relationship, How to Tell and Mend My Broken Heart

Posted on September 23, 2010
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So many of us are in toxic relationships where we feel as though our hearts are being ripped out of our chests yet we do nothing to change it. You need to take a serious look at your partner and consider how the two of you are together and are you with the right person, in order to heal your broken heart. You believe that there is no one out there that is a better match for you or are you just plain scared of being alone?

We are inclined not to have faith in our own instincts or feelings the majority of the time. Our decisions are vindicated by our actions to make us feel better. In spite of everything we stay and yet deep down we know that this is not how we should be treated. Renee, my friend, knew this all too well. For 2 years, she was in a relationship with Josh. At the beginning of the relationship, Josh treated her like gold by calling her constantly, buying her gifts and taking her to fancy restaurants. They talked about what they wanted in a relationship and she was thrilled that he wanted marriage eventually too.

They would spend every weekend together at his house hanging out with his kids and friends and this made Renee very pleased. His life became her life and she stopped spending time with her friends. Entertained his friends, cooked for his family, cleaned his house, she did everything for him. All she wanted was to be the ideal girlfriend and with any luck the perfect wife one day.

Then things began to simmer down six months into the relationship as he wasn’t calling as much and he would make up excuses not to see her. She began feeling insecure at his lack of interest. She started calling him to see where he was because she was becoming paranoid that he may be seeing someone else. Josh push further away from Renee the more insecure she became.

Josh didn’t seem to appreciate the things she did anymore. He would withdraw when she touched him and avoided situation where she required his help. When people were over he would completely ignore her and flirt with other women. “I’m not good at this relationship stuff, but I’ll try to be better” or “We’re only friends, you knew I had a lot of girl friends when we got together” are the things he would tell her when she wept every night about their relationship and the other women. When she would show up on Friday night he would act surprised that she even came. When she went home on Sunday night, she would be feeling depressed and wanting things the way they used to be.

Renee truly wondered if she was really with the right person. Her soul mate, did she really think it was Josh? Ending the relationship or continue making herself into something she wasn’t is the decision she needs to make.

Try this simple exercise if you think you may be in a toxic relationship:

Place yourself out of the equation and put one of your friends/co-workers in it instead. This should help take your emotions out of it so you can look at the situation more objectively. If these people came to you for help, what advice would you give them? Advice is much simpler to offer when you are not involved in the situation.

Now, can you take that advice? Given that it is coming from your own instincts and it is the finest guidance you’ll get, you should. If you learn to trust you feelings and instincts it will be much easier to heal your broken heart as an alternative of justifying your actions.

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