For the Kids, Should You Save Your Marriage and Heal Your Broken Heart?

Posted on October 16, 2010
Filed Under Time Management | Leave a Comment

In the best interest of the children, lots of couples stay together. Is giving up your happiness for the kids really a beneficial for them to witness. Or should you show them that it’s important to be with someone that makes you happy? So your children can continue to have a family, can you save your marriage and heal your broken heart?

It is my belief that you should be happy in your relationship and it is vital that your children see you in a devoted and strong relationship. Due to my parents constant fighting, is why I felt this way. With old fashion views and an craving for alcohol, my father was a pretty traditional man. Even though my Mom was a bit more liberal, which could have been a due to her education, she was still expected to clean the house, cook dinner, drive us kids around as well as work a full-time job.

It was difficult for my mom to run a household and hold a full time job but somehow she managed. Plus my parents marriage looked like a constant struggle for when my Father was home they never seemed to get along. I in no way could understand why they never went their separate ways.

My belief of relationships that that the woman should be more giving and not to expect a lot in return was formed by watching parents. I believed that relationships were suppose to be trying as such you should never look forward to be happy within one and that the whole Cinderella thing was just a fairy tale.

Since my sisters and I thought parents’ relationship was “normal”, as we grew older we sought after relationships very similar to theirs. Would my sisters and I be in happier relationships if our parents had split up or is it better to stay together for the sake of the kids?

I asked my Mom very honestly a few years ago, “Why did you stay with him all those years?” when she was complaining about my Dad. Her response was “I didn’t want to worry about finding babysitters and to move you and your sisters into a 1 bedroom apartment. I felt you were better off here, in a house, in a nice community”. I didn’t understand, I really felt we would have been better off if they had separated.

However as of late I think I may have revised my thoughts on this matter as one of my friends is a single mom. Getting to work and her kids to school on time is something she contends with day after day. After that she needs to make sure that there is someone there to pick her kids up after school. She can’t afford to put her kids in extra activities as money is always an issue. It broke her heart when one of her son’s coaches came up to her and told her she should put her boy in a special hockey school because he had a real talent. As she couldn’t pay for it because the school was way too costly. Her little boy has to suffer because of this, is that fair? Her son might not have missed this opportunity had she rescued the marriage.

Instead of trying to work it out and the parents get a divorce, I never realized or thought of all the things that a child would lose out on. Unless there is physical abuse involved, most child psychologists suggest trying to fix the marriage, so there is no simple response to this very frequent question. The kid’s safety must come first. They also advise that the kids should never observe any excessive disagreements. Furthermore, working with a marriage counselor is recommended if the parents find it hard working through the issues on their own.

By rescuing your marriage and mending your broken heart, your children will grow up to have strong healthy relationships.

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